That day has come when my friend MIA came back into my life.
She knocked on my door for days and I finally gave in..

Sleepless nights, stomach pain and confusion are no longer just a bad memory from the past
It's my new reality and back to square one..

I'm up for the fight one more time,,
Are you MIA??

My mind is owned by disorder
To dream but not to think
I've opened my heart to the border
Between genius and insanity
I'd been that way for a while,
Walking that thin line
But after some time, I killed my smile
When only torture hid behind.
I'd starve myself for weeks,
And purge what I didn't need,
Hoping one day to be underweight
And as beautiful as I pleased.

Now I see the horror
Of what I have become.
I don't want to walk that border,
At least not with a gun.
I don't want to have to worry
About everything I eat.
I desire to be normal,
About my body's needs at least.
It will take a lot,
Most of which I have not.
I have cried because of this;
Afraid to untie the knot.

I don't know what will happen.
Will I gain or will I lose?
I can't stand the thought of becoming misshapen,
Or if this is the right path to choose.
However, I have realized,
That the body is not important.
Importance lies within the mind.
And now I think I believe it.
It will take a while,
To fix what's beneath my smile.
All I know is it's worth it,
Even if it's a long trial.

Åh, vilken natt! Dottern hade feberfrossa och vred och vände på sig hela natten.
Så det blev till att vabba idag. Nu sitter hon här i soffan och gråter och tycker det är inte alls kul att vara sjuk :( Stackars liten, känner på mig att detta kommer bli en lång dag!

This feeling I have whenever I eat
Makes me feel like I have suffered defeat

I feel ugly, empty, and not at peace
This urge to abide by hunger must cease

I am at my best when my stomach aches
I’m thinner, lighter, I feel each breath I take

I don’t know why I need to hide my way of life
It’s just like anyone else who cuts their cake with a knife

It’s a lifestyle of pride and self control
Although sometimes I feel like I sold my soul

When food touches my lips I feel like it’s a sin
That if I let it enter, my demons will win

The world sleeps as I'm wide awake
I have just made another big mistake
So determined that I set myself up to fail
I am living in my own hell
Self hate and disgust is what I feel
When will recovery ever be real?
Everyone tells me its all in my head
I feel like my insides are rotten and dead
Why is it that I just cant stop?
How long can this go on before I drop?
I am so angry with myself
Why can't I stop and think about my health?
This insanity makes me want to scream
If only this was just a bad dream
I would never wish this on anyone
I would like to know when this all begun
I don't want to do it again
This needs to be a battle I win
But it keeps calling me back in
What is wrong with me?
Why cant this let me be?
One moment I desperately want to get better
The next I don't want to give up on feeling light as a feather
Always trying to reach an unreachable goal
I feel as though there is a giant hole in the center of my soul
I cant give in yet again
I know this is a terrible sin
I always set myself up for fail
Trying and trying with no avail
One step forward, two steps back
I can never stay on track
What am I supposed to do?
I'm so sorry I keep doing this to you
I am so damn tired of this
I have fallen into a deep abyss
I have reached the point of no return
I am going to crash and burn

Hello, how are you, I am swell
And although my name will ring a bell
I'll tell you not, and here is why
I'm known for working on the sly
I will leave you with some clues
Which you can follow if you choose
A few of you will know me well
I am the secret you'll not tell

I have no face, no arms or feet
I have tears to drink and sick to eat
I just keep pushing, on and on,
Until bodies are going, going, gone

My victims smile, but are in tears
All faced with silent, invert fears
'Whats wrong with me?' they sigh and say
'You're fat', says I, day after day

Even though I know it is not true
I'll lie and say it, just for you
Because I exist to cause you harm
Me and Nervosa, arm in arm

For now my secret you shall know
As you watch in horror as I grow
For Bulimia, it is my name
and Body Image is my game

You tried to take
over my life.
Now bitch step back
I'm starting to fight.

You said you'd help me,
You said we'd win.
You could make me beautiful,
even within.

But now I know that you we're wrong
and I am trying to be strong.
To sit and write this note to you
because I am ready to fight you too.

Now I know you're such a witch
You tricked me you fucking bitch!!
I'll never let you do it again,
keep me away from all my friends?

I don't need you
without you I'm better.
You kept me freezing
inside a baggy sweater.

You have done a lot for me,
but now I just want you
to let me be.
Can you do that?
Just leave me alone?
Cause it's time for you to go home.

And if you can't
then I don't care.
You won't hurt me
don't you dare.


You won't hurt me.

Right?