My mind is owned by disorder
To dream but not to think
I've opened my heart to the border
Between genius and insanity
I'd been that way for a while,
Walking that thin line
But after some time, I killed my smile
When only torture hid behind.
I'd starve myself for weeks,
And purge what I didn't need,
Hoping one day to be underweight
And as beautiful as I pleased.

Now I see the horror
Of what I have become.
I don't want to walk that border,
At least not with a gun.
I don't want to have to worry
About everything I eat.
I desire to be normal,
About my body's needs at least.
It will take a lot,
Most of which I have not.
I have cried because of this;
Afraid to untie the knot.

I don't know what will happen.
Will I gain or will I lose?
I can't stand the thought of becoming misshapen,
Or if this is the right path to choose.
However, I have realized,
That the body is not important.
Importance lies within the mind.
And now I think I believe it.
It will take a while,
To fix what's beneath my smile.
All I know is it's worth it,
Even if it's a long trial.